Many times, polyamory is referred to as a “lifestyle choice”. This reminds me of when people refer to being gay as a “choice” and how harmful this can be to people’s mental health. So this brings up the question, is being polyamorous a sexual orientation?
Like many things, it depends on who you ask.
I know that, personally, when people talk about polyamory being a “lifestyle choice” I get a gross feeling. I do not feel like it is a choice at all, I feel like it is part of who I am. I think the only choice I had was to talk to my partner about being polyamorous or not.
Polyamory…Dangerous?
Being in polyamorous relationships, out in the open, can still be dangerous. I was terrified to tell my boss that I am polyamorous, since they could have judged me and said that it is not ethical to be a therapist and be polyamorous. Luckily, they are awesome and very sex-positive.
In many situations, children can be taken away from parents if it is found out that they are polyamorous. You can lose your job if it is found out. You can lose friends and family members. You can lose housing due to polyamory.
To Accept Polyamory or Not
The following article in Medium, states “If it’s an orientation, if someone decides they don’t want to accept polyamory, it means they are not accepting you, how you were born. And if they don’t accept the way you were born, then that person is like a racist or a homophobe — just a bigot.” I have some problems with this. As stated before, there are real and dangerous consequences if the wrong people find out you are polyamorous. It’s not just about someone being a bigot, while this is dangerous in ways, it doesn’t account for the fact that you can lose everything in your life, your children, your home, your job, etc.
If it fits…
According to an article in Psychology Today, “Many emphasize a profound discomfort with monogamy and an inability to remain in monogamous relationships. One respondent summarized monogamous relationships as “like wearing shoes two sizes too small—you can cram your foot in there momentarily, but you won’t like it and won’t be able to walk very far.”
I think there are key differences in wording with this, are you in a polyamorous relationship or are you polyamorous?
Let me know what you think in the comments.
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201610/is-polyamory-form-sexual-orientation
https://medium.com/monogamish/is-polyamory-a-sexual-orientation-or-is-it-a-belief-3e0d81cfb5e4
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